Med elchocker i sakta mak försöker jag få lite liv i den här bloggen igen. Först med lite ny layout som jag trivs bättre med, och nu med själva inläggen. Jag är helt fantastiskt dålig på det där med att uppdatera. Antar att det inte händer så mycket i mitt liv värt att berätta. Men men.

CLEAR!
*ka-zaam*

*ka-zaam*

Återupplivningsförsök i fullgång.
Ska få en header gjord åt mig helt personlig, och en ny avatar bild ritad.

Så det kommer mer kul hit.

Återupplivad än?

Kanske...

Right now I just want to scream cry, kill someone and then go and die under my bed or something. I'm so frustrated on my life right now. Problems problems problems and even more problems. I stressed. Like really stressed. My heart burn is starting to check in on me again and my stomach is a big black diamond right now. You could think that Life would give me a break soon, but I really don't believe that right now. I feel like I'm a ticking time bomb, just waiting to explode any time now, and taking every one around with me when I go. I just hope the right persons are around me, the one that my anger and frustration is to blame. But I doubt that too. I won't be that lucky. No I'm not negative, I'm a realistic and a cynic, and this is what life have learned by experience. The hard part about it all is that I can't really feel joy about the spring coming, or anything, cause the stress are clouding my blue sky. But I will have good faith. At least until I snap.

When all this is going on, I try to find small pockets of air to breath. like my birthday present that came little to early.

(my supercute birthday present from Netherlands http://lajvio.deviantart.com)
And that I once a week take some time to my self with a long shower and a facial mask. Just small things that makes me go another day without a mental breakdown, and that makes me breathe another breath.

And stuff likes this make my day too. I'm the "special babe" mentioned in the info text and the one that made the request. People may think this suck, but I still love it, cause he called me a special babe.

Things like this sure can make my day. I'm a simple kind of girl that way: done right even the simplest things can make my day.

It looks like I'm gonna be here over my birthday. I wasn't able to take a week at my parents house, which I kinda had half looked forward to. Being able to get away from a cloudy sky for some days, but no. I think I will miss my opportunity to hug with my fat cat the most.

One thing I really have been thinking on lately is dying my hair to blond. I don't really know why I want to be blond, I have never liked that color on my self, but suddenly I just want to do it. Or shave it of. But I vote for the blond alternative here. And I would love to have really really blond hair, almost white. And long and curly. But me blond. Have to think of that a little more I think. Blond is a big step for me.

It's five a clock in the morning right now, and I really should be sleeping right now, but am I sleeping? No. And I didn't sleep last night either. And not much the night before that. My sleeping rhythm is totally off right now. I think it has something to do with my stressed out situation. I can only hope it will be better soon.

But I will crawl under my bed cover now, hopefully get some sleep and then looking forward to Sci-Fi Friday on TV. It's the small simple stuff that makes me breath. And a cool video that calles me "Special babe" ^^

I guess it was one of those days today. When you are off and just feel like crying. And of top of that the blog site I'm using are doing some changes, changes that people think is crap. Yippie. So when I finally start to blog, the site is getting troublesmoe. If that is the case, I' will go back to helgon again until I find something that I really like.  And I still want to cry and crawl down in my  bed.

One of those days I guess...

Tonights movie on the Tv: Butterfly Effect with Aston Kutcher. I have had this movie on the computer for over a year now I think, never watched it, until tonight on the TV. That was a great movie. I loved Aston in it, I think that was his best role I ever seen him in. The movie reminds me of Sliding Doors, also a movie about "what if"s... Do you have something that you would like to go back and change? I sure know I have. A llot of them. But then you never know what the future would be like. And would you really want to know the forgotten past, the new past and the future? The Butterfly Effect was a deep movie I think, with many questions. And I know that there is two more endings done. Maybe I watch them some day.

Like I said I have had this movie for a long time without watching it. It's the same thing with movies as anime. I find titles I want to see, I get them and I store them. But I never watch them. And that is irritating me tremendously. I love watching movies and anime, so not doing it leaves a big gap inside me. I still love anime and everything about it, but I just don't watch it. My depression sure killed my love for the hobbies I had. Like anime and lajv. The two things I really loved a year ago. I still love everything about it, I just don't actually practice it. But I'm working on it.

Another thing I have been working on today is a forum info to the forum that I will be taking over soon. First I made one that I really liked, but then the present head moderator told me that I could only use a limited number of signs, so I had to shorten the text down. And I really hate to shorten a text that I'm happy with. But I guess that it's still good.

And I have been offered to buy 26 TERRY PRATCHETT BOOK IN ENGLISH FOR A LAUGHINGLY GOOD PRICE!!!! Very nice and all, but when I can't buy them right now that is just plain evil. I want those books! I guess I have to reject the offer, and continue to collect the missing book my old way. One by one. Just a couple books in every year... Yeah, that sound so much fun. I don't want to know stuff like that when I can't have it. It's just too cruel.

A funny thing just happen when I went to the kitchen to get something to eat. I looked at the watch and it was showing 03:30. My first thought was" It's really quiet in the hall for that time" then it hit me that it's 03:30 in the morning... I guess this whole turning the clock up side down really is getting to me now. I'm getting used to it in a weird kind of way.

And to end with something connected to what we started with, what would happen if I stopped being so damn nice? Really, sometimes I think that I'm to nice for my own well being. I have a bad habit of giving people compliments, and telling my heart on things. That seems to scare people. Or they just think that I'm kidding and making fun of them. Maybe I should stop doing things like that. I can be cold and bitching. If people have a hard time dealing with me, maybe that is was have to happen. But what effect would a that decision have on the future? *dam dam dam* Epic cliff hanger ending...

It's funny how a person can make such a effect in ones life. I know some people in among my friends that almost always brings a smile upon my lips. Some people just makes you smile within your heart. Those people are a rare group in my life, rare but more worth than gold to me. And so, I hve found another peron that makes me smile just like that. To be able to laugh so much that you actually swallow on your own spit is a pretty great experience. Not the swallowing part, but the laughing part. And the day before yesterday I laughed that hard. For the whole evening. That took me to a jolly skipping feel good mood. A mood that continued yesterday. Not even my stressed out worries could break my bubble then.

I'm getting to know a person that crank me up in laughter, my present was shipped yesterday, my cold is being defeated and I played Exalted last night! I meet Eiji again! I love him... I would so do him XD (he is a role playing character and I?m the one that plays him, but hey, other that that I would so totally do him, even if he is gay). And meet with friends. That felt nice. I missed Stargate Atlantis tho... And Jason Momoa... Little sob about that.

I have finished my Pratchett book. Now what should I read? Here are all his book in the series called "Disc world":
[ ] The Color/Colour of Magic
[ ] The Light Fantastic
[x] Equal Rites
[ ] Mort
[x] Sourcery
[ ] Wyrd Sisters
[ ] Pyramids
[ ] Guards! Guards!
[x] Eric
[ ] Moving Pictures
[ ] Reaper Man
[x] Witches Abroad
[x] Small Gods
[x] Lords and Ladies
[x] Men at Arms
[x] Soul Music
[ ] Interesting Times
[x] Maskerade
[x] Feet of Clay
[x] Hogfather
[ ] Jingo
[ ] The Last Continent
[ ] Carpe Jugulum
[ ] The Fifth Elephant
[ ] The Truth
[ ] Thief of Time
[ ] Night Watch
[ ] Monstrous Regiment
[ ] Going Postal
[ ] Thud!

I have to get more of them... I have to go to Stockholm to get more of them...  -_- Or order through the internet. But I have bought all my book in a real store so... I want to hold them when I buy them. And that's means I have to go to STHLM. That sucks.

My interest for Asian Ball Jointed Dolls (BJD) started... I don't even know when, maybe a year ago. I just know that dreaming El from Luts was the first one I saw and I though he was wonderful. Then I didn't know what they was. But later on I found out they were dolls, and I found doll forums and more pages and before I knew it, I had a special msn group for BJD people.

I'm deep into this hobby right now, as deep you can get without owning one. Cause I don't have one. They are disgustingly expensive so I have to look at pictures and drool. And planing. Cause I do plan for my future dolls. And right know I have a little list of dolls that someday will be in my Dolly family.

The List:
~ Cp Chiwoo
~ Lati L
~ Dolkot Dai
~ Dolkot Yui
~ Dolkot Bera
~ Dolkot Lucifer
~ Dollzone Yuu
~ Dollzone Hid
~ Dod Luke
~ Model Kyle Reese
~ Model Leah Cox
~ Tensia Hound
~ Cp girl Ani
~ Cp boy Ani
~ mnf Shushu
~ mnf Soo
~ Volks Suigintou
~ Volks Cute Renee
~ Doma Doll Okja
~ Doma Doll Uni Jado
~ Migidoll Ryu
~ Taeyang Hash
~ Taeyang Horison
~ Taeyang Lead
~ Pullip Uncanricky
~ Pullip Papin
~ Pullip Nero

I know that I have a lots of dolls that I want to have, and these are "dream dolls" and I will not see my family as whole without any of them. That is a lot of money. And years and years in the future. But I still dream and plan and drool.

Each and every one of the dolls in the list have a name, life story and a character sheet made up by me. I have way to much time on my hands. But my vary lively fantasy seem to like putting together characters and entangle them into a big beautiful doll saga. And that is my working name on this project: DollSaga. But don't hope for something big (like actually getting a doll) to happen in the nearest future. I just planing right now.

However, I'm very curious what my friend from Netherlands will send me. She is gonna send my present soon. Will it a little pullip or not? In a couple of weeks I will know the answer. I know what I hope it is ;)

Here are the main part of the dolls I want in pictures (yes I made this picture collage, it took some time too), they represent the 20 first dolls on my list. Look at the picture left to right , starting at the first row and read the list from the top to the bottom. The name of the doll will match the picture (yes I spend some time on doing this too).

I don't really understand how I got so much better during the night, but I did. I feel so much better right now, I woke up long before I have done the last days and I was totally well-rested and high spirited. That is some contrast to yesterday when I felt like crap. I like this state much better.

So I jumped in the shower and then put a really delicious strawberry face mask on. It looked like melted strawberry ice cream and smelled liked it too. I can't wait to next week when I will test my chocolate face mask ^^ Facials are a simple and cheap way to spoil yourself. I really enjoy it. And while I'm sitting with the mask I have a wet-pack in my hair. You have to do some spoiling every once in a while. For me that is once a week.

Sometimes I really really want to have more drawing skills than I have. Right now I want to be able to draw a head picture for this page and my deviant journal. I know what I want: a cat. A character cat I have made up. She is so lovely, but I'm afraid that I'm not qualified to make her look good. I guess I have to try to draw her, but I seriously doubt that I can manage to do her justice.

And it's really cute how my friends are worried about me when I'm sick and not in chat mood ^^ I love you sweet hearts <3

Now I have to go and wash the face mask of.

Yes, I'm back here again. Sorry for the very long time since last time, but I have a new blog layout now, thanks to my dear friend LindaK <3 She helped me a lot and I'm so happy with it. Those of you that can't stand the color: poor you! I like it and it's staying, until I find something else ^^ Pink is the color of happiness ^^
So what have happen since last time? Way to much for telling you everything, but some big things: my friends have made my start to vampire lajv (live action role play) which is very scary, I have a list of 19 dolls (with characters) that I want to own, my birthday is coming up and I'm waiting for a package from Netherlands to arrive, I have started to read again which is something I haven't done for ages.

And right now I'm sick. I think I have a cold. My nose is running, my head feels like a balloon filled with jelly and it feels like a have a cucumber stuck down my throat. But I will be better. I hope so. I really want to meet all my friends again. The miss me. That is so cute <3

And it looks like I will be the head operator of a forum that I'm a help operator in. I did not see that coming, but when I got the question I was very flattered that the HO asked me. Of course I said yes ^^ This will be really interesting.

Thank you for visiting. I will be writing soon again I promise ^^

I OWN A PAIR OF REAL HOKKAIDO PANTS!!! *dancing around cuddling with the pants* Pantsu pantsu pantsu pantsu... <3

Sometimes I really love working were I are right now. The whole thing started yesterday when we stood and watched clothes, hanging up cloth and so on. Earlier this week some girl got three Kimonos. They were so beautiful all three of them! One in black, one in gold and one in silver. Unfortunately, the black black one was sent to the store before I had the chance to grab it, and the other two was not really my size and some worn, but I ended up putting the gold and the black kimono in my ''I will buy box''. Anyhow... Yesterday I got my hand on a full Budo suit (white martial art), and I thought it was pretty cool that someone was giving it up for charity. I explained for my coworkers what it was and I hanged it aside. Later on that day, the girl who is working across from me called out my name. I looked up and she was holding a black cloth in her hands asking if I knew what it was. I almost immediately saw that she was holding a pair of Hokkaido pants. I jumped towards her and riped the pants out of her hands while I was saying OMG OMG OMG OMG!! When I had ascertained that it really was a pair of Hokkaido pants I started to hugging it and smiling like a crazy person while I explained what it was. The other that also works with looking over clothes came to see why I was so jolly happy and skipping around like a crazy person. One old lady looked at me as I was laying on my table cuddling the pants and she said that she had a man at home that she loved. I responded that I didn't have a man and that I loved my pants instead. Then I put the pants in my box ^^ And I was jolly happy all the rest of that day.

Today I was able to bring all in my box home with me. My two kimonos, my hokkaiodo pants, a lambswool sweater and a foot bath! That foot bath are love to me. I found it - also on work (I love working were tons and tons of stuff comes in every day). It's really new and fresh, the plastic are still on it and everything. And the brand are really good too, buying it in a store the foot bath would have cost what all my stuff cost now. I just unpacked it and it has cute extra parts. It's electric and it's huge!! A real massage foot bath! Just what my cold hurting feet needs right now. I'm just a little worried though; I'm extremely ticklish under my feet (I can't massage or scratch my self, I just cranks up in laughter) so this could be really interesting. Guess what I'm gonna do tonight ^^

I could really need a foot bath and just relaxing tonight, I have been feeling nauseas all day. I'm hungry but when I just think food I want to throw up. Pity me!

And to all you Gravitation fans out there: here you go ^^




And some Kingdom Hearts!!

6 episodes

The story is about a young girl Yoko who is a magician with a very special task in life: she looks after the little boy Luche Len Len, a young boy who holds one of the most powerful magicians through time inside his body. The magician Dark Schneider was captured 15 years ago when he and his comrades tried to dominate the world. But Dark Schneider was captured and imprison in the little boy.

But now, 15 years later Schneiders companions have tried to take over the world by them selves, and now the people have to seek out for greater help. It is time to release Dark Schnider. But he is not the same person that he was 15 years ago, he shares feelings and some personality with the boy, something that makes him to set out on a hunt after his former friends with Yoko.

It?s a OK series, short, action, and how can you say no to a half naked gorgeous demon? ^^

The other day I was watching the move Love Actually (blue eyed Huge Grant with rowdy hair ^w^), it's a neat move, I actually like it a lot even if it's a chick flick romantic comedy. Usually I not in to that stuff but this one I really like (blue eyed Huge Grant with rowdy hair ^w^). One thing that I was thinking of is this: in the movie it is Christmas and people declare their love to each others, even to the brothers new wife. But I wonder: would you really want to know if your best friend of siblings partner has a crush on you?

Please let me know your thoughts with a comment (kommentar)...

This is the second night in a row that I have slept!! It feels really nice to have slept for two whole nights now, lets hope that this continue. And I slept with ,y bed warmers tonight too. My bean bag and my electric heat warmer. My bed was so cosy tonight ^^

But something good come out not being able to sleep the other night: I was hanging around the dolly community Den of Angel, and was able to get the newest info on the DoD Idol boys ^^ So something good came out of it ^^

But now I have to be going to the buss stop.

Here we go again I guess. DoD came out with their new dolls today and I'm so in love with the body! OMG!! Seriously: can dolls be this freakingly awesome? Holy mother of mine... I'm so week for the Luke v1 right now...

Such a pretty face. But on the same time, I really love their bodies. I just want to know hos tall they are, and then I have heard that DoD dolls don't pose that good and I don't like that at all. If I'm gonna have a tall doll it have to be a God at posing. I would make him my personally model and photograph him all the time in all kind of outfits, so a good poser is a must.

I have found my model doll in Kyle Reese He is so wonderful, I love his face so much and his body...

Well, look at it! How can you not just melt down at sight? I will so have him one day. He is a dream doll of mine right now. Some day... But first my sweet sweet DZ Hid. And then we have to see what he future holds.

Life still sucks, but I guess that's not anything unusual for me. It's 4 AM right now and I can't sleep. The whole every second night starting to be more and more consistent right now. Can't say I like it that much. I want to sleep every night dammit! But I guess just wait and hope it will get better. Sooner rather then later.

And to night on the TV they were showing all three Bruce Lee movies: Way of the dragon, Big Boss and Fist of fury. I haven't been a big fan of Bruce Lee movies, but I watched them now and can see that they are rather good actually. And Chuck Norris is a hairy bastard. Damn that hairy body... I wouldn't touch him with gloves unless he waxed. I just don't like that kind of body hair... No back hair for example! And if guys expect us girls to shave and wax, they should do the same for us. Fair enough. Now I'm gonna write the last on my Malkavian character before sending it to my GM. So, go on and click on the videos now... shoo shoo.


This video are just so powerful, first time I saw this it gave me goose bumps all over me.



And this video just made me cry. The song and story are just so... *sob*

I really don't get my self sometimes... My sleeping rhythm is so out of order right now. I would really need to sleep deep and long every night to be able to be a wake on the days when I have to be working (starting this past week now). But can I sleep? No, I sleep every second night and are awake every other night. I need the sleep and it's not like I stay up on purpose, I just can't sleep. Like right now. I would really need to sleep properly, but I just can't sleep. I would really want my sleeping pills right now. With them I would fall asleep in ten minutes and wake up fully at rest the next morning, without a wake up call. I miss those. But my doctor said I did not need them any more so I didn't get a new prescription. And the one I have instead are not really sleeping pills but tranquilizers to calm you down. And yes they do calm you down.. They make you very sleepy but i takes a couple of hours, and I don't wake up fully rest, and I get dozy the next day too. I don't like them at all.

And yes, I'm doing something in the days now. I sort cloth at Myrorna (a kind of benefaction). It's ok, I look at cloth, put cloth on coat hangers and put the cloth in a pile. Then I start over again. Not the most stimulation job ever, but I do something at least in the waiting of a real job. And a big benefit is that you can buy things really cheap! There are some really new and great things that comes in every now and then. Everything from brand new shoes to the latest books. I found myself a new poncho. I love those things! As a cold blooded creature I am I need help to hold the warmth and a knitted poncho are just great. I have one old. It's black and round but now I found a newer, triangular one and I love it! It's big and cozy, just what I need now in the winter.

It does feels good to do something again, but my feet are so mad at me right now. I stand all day long and my feet don't really like that right now. I will get use to it, but till then they will whine and complain about it. Damn feet. Why do we have them? And those toes... Only hitting things and hurts.

Something good though: I have get a girlfriend. She is so sweet and funny, and I really like spending time with her. We are in the same organization board, and now we have seen each other on our free time. She likes anime like me, she likes dolls and we can laugh at the same tings, and we drool over the same hawt hawt anime characters (Axel... Dante... Alucard... Vincent Valentine...)!! She's my girlfriend. And I really like laying with my head in her knee, be petted and just purr. I talk anime and doll with someone! I have missed that o much.

-lol- Last time I was there with my hard drive to exchange anime stuff, I show her the intro of the anime Zombie-Loan, and when the male characters come on screen she fell of her chair! I know I'm with the right people when I'm not the only one that get knocked of my feet by a fictional character. And she have a Axel doll and a Vincent doll! They are so hawt! I wouldn't mind woken up looking at them, no no. It's so sweet to exchange anime stuff. I have gotten a lots of great AMV's from her (some of them gave me goosebumps) and some interesting anime tips. While she has got both anime and pictures and AMV's from me. Charing is caring. But despite all of this I don't know if I feel alright at all. I mean, I can't be feeling too good if I finds myself in the bathroom at work trying to keep me from crying. I can't really handle set-backs, I'm insecure at some things and starting to feel as I did some month ago. And I really don't have the fortitude to starting to go through all that shit again. Stress is eating me from inside and, I'm really not at ease right now. Even if I seems calm and everything.

And now come the sleepiness I have been waiting for. Finally I can go to sleep. That will be so nice. Wish me luck!