Nights of tears
I really don't get my self sometimes... My sleeping rhythm is so out of order right now. I would really need to sleep deep and long every night to be able to be a wake on the days when I have to be working (starting this past week now). But can I sleep? No, I sleep every second night and are awake every other night. I need the sleep and it's not like I stay up on purpose, I just can't sleep. Like right now. I would really need to sleep properly, but I just can't sleep. I would really want my sleeping pills right now. With them I would fall asleep in ten minutes and wake up fully at rest the next morning, without a wake up call. I miss those. But my doctor said I did not need them any more so I didn't get a new prescription. And the one I have instead are not really sleeping pills but tranquilizers to calm you down. And yes they do calm you down.. They make you very sleepy but i takes a couple of hours, and I don't wake up fully rest, and I get dozy the next day too. I don't like them at all.
And yes, I'm doing something in the days now. I sort cloth at Myrorna (a kind of benefaction). It's ok, I look at cloth, put cloth on coat hangers and put the cloth in a pile. Then I start over again. Not the most stimulation job ever, but I do something at least in the waiting of a real job. And a big benefit is that you can buy things really cheap! There are some really new and great things that comes in every now and then. Everything from brand new shoes to the latest books. I found myself a new poncho. I love those things! As a cold blooded creature I am I need help to hold the warmth and a knitted poncho are just great. I have one old. It's black and round but now I found a newer, triangular one and I love it! It's big and cozy, just what I need now in the winter.
It does feels good to do something again, but my feet are so mad at me right now. I stand all day long and my feet don't really like that right now. I will get use to it, but till then they will whine and complain about it. Damn feet. Why do we have them? And those toes... Only hitting things and hurts.
Something good though: I have get a girlfriend. She is so sweet and funny, and I really like spending time with her. We are in the same organization board, and now we have seen each other on our free time. She likes anime like me, she likes dolls and we can laugh at the same tings, and we drool over the same hawt hawt anime characters (Axel... Dante... Alucard... Vincent Valentine...)!! She's my girlfriend. And I really like laying with my head in her knee, be petted and just purr. I talk anime and doll with someone! I have missed that o much.
-lol- Last time I was there with my hard drive to exchange anime stuff, I show her the intro of the anime Zombie-Loan, and when the male characters come on screen she fell of her chair! I know I'm with the right people when I'm not the only one that get knocked of my feet by a fictional character. And she have a Axel doll and a Vincent doll! They are so hawt! I wouldn't mind woken up looking at them, no no. It's so sweet to exchange anime stuff. I have gotten a lots of great AMV's from her (some of them gave me goosebumps) and some interesting anime tips. While she has got both anime and pictures and AMV's from me. Charing is caring. But despite all of this I don't know if I feel alright at all. I mean, I can't be feeling too good if I finds myself in the bathroom at work trying to keep me from crying. I can't really handle set-backs, I'm insecure at some things and starting to feel as I did some month ago. And I really don't have the fortitude to starting to go through all that shit again. Stress is eating me from inside and, I'm really not at ease right now. Even if I seems calm and everything.
And now come the sleepiness I have been waiting for. Finally I can go to sleep. That will be so nice. Wish me luck!
And yes, I'm doing something in the days now. I sort cloth at Myrorna (a kind of benefaction). It's ok, I look at cloth, put cloth on coat hangers and put the cloth in a pile. Then I start over again. Not the most stimulation job ever, but I do something at least in the waiting of a real job. And a big benefit is that you can buy things really cheap! There are some really new and great things that comes in every now and then. Everything from brand new shoes to the latest books. I found myself a new poncho. I love those things! As a cold blooded creature I am I need help to hold the warmth and a knitted poncho are just great. I have one old. It's black and round but now I found a newer, triangular one and I love it! It's big and cozy, just what I need now in the winter.
It does feels good to do something again, but my feet are so mad at me right now. I stand all day long and my feet don't really like that right now. I will get use to it, but till then they will whine and complain about it. Damn feet. Why do we have them? And those toes... Only hitting things and hurts.
Something good though: I have get a girlfriend. She is so sweet and funny, and I really like spending time with her. We are in the same organization board, and now we have seen each other on our free time. She likes anime like me, she likes dolls and we can laugh at the same tings, and we drool over the same hawt hawt anime characters (Axel... Dante... Alucard... Vincent Valentine...)!! She's my girlfriend. And I really like laying with my head in her knee, be petted and just purr. I talk anime and doll with someone! I have missed that o much.
-lol- Last time I was there with my hard drive to exchange anime stuff, I show her the intro of the anime Zombie-Loan, and when the male characters come on screen she fell of her chair! I know I'm with the right people when I'm not the only one that get knocked of my feet by a fictional character. And she have a Axel doll and a Vincent doll! They are so hawt! I wouldn't mind woken up looking at them, no no. It's so sweet to exchange anime stuff. I have gotten a lots of great AMV's from her (some of them gave me goosebumps) and some interesting anime tips. While she has got both anime and pictures and AMV's from me. Charing is caring. But despite all of this I don't know if I feel alright at all. I mean, I can't be feeling too good if I finds myself in the bathroom at work trying to keep me from crying. I can't really handle set-backs, I'm insecure at some things and starting to feel as I did some month ago. And I really don't have the fortitude to starting to go through all that shit again. Stress is eating me from inside and, I'm really not at ease right now. Even if I seems calm and everything.
And now come the sleepiness I have been waiting for. Finally I can go to sleep. That will be so nice. Wish me luck!
Kommentarer
Trackback
