Special Babe
Right now I just want to scream cry, kill someone and then go and die under my bed or something. I'm so frustrated on my life right now. Problems problems problems and even more problems. I stressed. Like really stressed. My heart burn is starting to check in on me again and my stomach is a big black diamond right now. You could think that Life would give me a break soon, but I really don't believe that right now. I feel like I'm a ticking time bomb, just waiting to explode any time now, and taking every one around with me when I go. I just hope the right persons are around me, the one that my anger and frustration is to blame. But I doubt that too. I won't be that lucky. No I'm not negative, I'm a realistic and a cynic, and this is what life have learned by experience. The hard part about it all is that I can't really feel joy about the spring coming, or anything, cause the stress are clouding my blue sky. But I will have good faith. At least until I snap.
When all this is going on, I try to find small pockets of air to breath. like my birthday present that came little to early.
(my supercute birthday present from Netherlands http://lajvio.deviantart.com)
And that I once a week take some time to my self with a long shower and a facial mask. Just small things that makes me go another day without a mental breakdown, and that makes me breathe another breath.
And stuff likes this make my day too. I'm the "special babe" mentioned in the info text and the one that made the request. People may think this suck, but I still love it, cause he called me a special babe.
Things like this sure can make my day. I'm a simple kind of girl that way: done right even the simplest things can make my day.
It looks like I'm gonna be here over my birthday. I wasn't able to take a week at my parents house, which I kinda had half looked forward to. Being able to get away from a cloudy sky for some days, but no. I think I will miss my opportunity to hug with my fat cat the most.
One thing I really have been thinking on lately is dying my hair to blond. I don't really know why I want to be blond, I have never liked that color on my self, but suddenly I just want to do it. Or shave it of. But I vote for the blond alternative here. And I would love to have really really blond hair, almost white. And long and curly. But me blond. Have to think of that a little more I think. Blond is a big step for me.
It's five a clock in the morning right now, and I really should be sleeping right now, but am I sleeping? No. And I didn't sleep last night either. And not much the night before that. My sleeping rhythm is totally off right now. I think it has something to do with my stressed out situation. I can only hope it will be better soon.
But I will crawl under my bed cover now, hopefully get some sleep and then looking forward to Sci-Fi Friday on TV. It's the small simple stuff that makes me breath. And a cool video that calles me "Special babe" ^^
When all this is going on, I try to find small pockets of air to breath. like my birthday present that came little to early.
(my supercute birthday present from Netherlands http://lajvio.deviantart.com)
And that I once a week take some time to my self with a long shower and a facial mask. Just small things that makes me go another day without a mental breakdown, and that makes me breathe another breath.
And stuff likes this make my day too. I'm the "special babe" mentioned in the info text and the one that made the request. People may think this suck, but I still love it, cause he called me a special babe.
Things like this sure can make my day. I'm a simple kind of girl that way: done right even the simplest things can make my day.
It looks like I'm gonna be here over my birthday. I wasn't able to take a week at my parents house, which I kinda had half looked forward to. Being able to get away from a cloudy sky for some days, but no. I think I will miss my opportunity to hug with my fat cat the most.
One thing I really have been thinking on lately is dying my hair to blond. I don't really know why I want to be blond, I have never liked that color on my self, but suddenly I just want to do it. Or shave it of. But I vote for the blond alternative here. And I would love to have really really blond hair, almost white. And long and curly. But me blond. Have to think of that a little more I think. Blond is a big step for me.
It's five a clock in the morning right now, and I really should be sleeping right now, but am I sleeping? No. And I didn't sleep last night either. And not much the night before that. My sleeping rhythm is totally off right now. I think it has something to do with my stressed out situation. I can only hope it will be better soon.
But I will crawl under my bed cover now, hopefully get some sleep and then looking forward to Sci-Fi Friday on TV. It's the small simple stuff that makes me breath. And a cool video that calles me "Special babe" ^^
One of those days
I guess it was one of those days today. When you are off and just feel like crying. And of top of that the blog site I'm using are doing some changes, changes that people think is crap. Yippie. So when I finally start to blog, the site is getting troublesmoe. If that is the case, I' will go back to helgon again until I find something that I really like. And I still want to cry and crawl down in my bed.
One of those days I guess...
One of those days I guess...
Butterfly Effect
Tonights movie on the Tv: Butterfly Effect with Aston Kutcher. I have had this movie on the computer for over a year now I think, never watched it, until tonight on the TV. That was a great movie. I loved Aston in it, I think that was his best role I ever seen him in. The movie reminds me of Sliding Doors, also a movie about "what if"s... Do you have something that you would like to go back and change? I sure know I have. A llot of them. But then you never know what the future would be like. And would you really want to know the forgotten past, the new past and the future? The Butterfly Effect was a deep movie I think, with many questions. And I know that there is two more endings done. Maybe I watch them some day.
Like I said I have had this movie for a long time without watching it. It's the same thing with movies as anime. I find titles I want to see, I get them and I store them. But I never watch them. And that is irritating me tremendously. I love watching movies and anime, so not doing it leaves a big gap inside me. I still love anime and everything about it, but I just don't watch it. My depression sure killed my love for the hobbies I had. Like anime and lajv. The two things I really loved a year ago. I still love everything about it, I just don't actually practice it. But I'm working on it.
Another thing I have been working on today is a forum info to the forum that I will be taking over soon. First I made one that I really liked, but then the present head moderator told me that I could only use a limited number of signs, so I had to shorten the text down. And I really hate to shorten a text that I'm happy with. But I guess that it's still good.
And I have been offered to buy 26 TERRY PRATCHETT BOOK IN ENGLISH FOR A LAUGHINGLY GOOD PRICE!!!! Very nice and all, but when I can't buy them right now that is just plain evil. I want those books! I guess I have to reject the offer, and continue to collect the missing book my old way. One by one. Just a couple books in every year... Yeah, that sound so much fun. I don't want to know stuff like that when I can't have it. It's just too cruel.
A funny thing just happen when I went to the kitchen to get something to eat. I looked at the watch and it was showing 03:30. My first thought was" It's really quiet in the hall for that time" then it hit me that it's 03:30 in the morning... I guess this whole turning the clock up side down really is getting to me now. I'm getting used to it in a weird kind of way.
And to end with something connected to what we started with, what would happen if I stopped being so damn nice? Really, sometimes I think that I'm to nice for my own well being. I have a bad habit of giving people compliments, and telling my heart on things. That seems to scare people. Or they just think that I'm kidding and making fun of them. Maybe I should stop doing things like that. I can be cold and bitching. If people have a hard time dealing with me, maybe that is was have to happen. But what effect would a that decision have on the future? *dam dam dam* Epic cliff hanger ending...
Like I said I have had this movie for a long time without watching it. It's the same thing with movies as anime. I find titles I want to see, I get them and I store them. But I never watch them. And that is irritating me tremendously. I love watching movies and anime, so not doing it leaves a big gap inside me. I still love anime and everything about it, but I just don't watch it. My depression sure killed my love for the hobbies I had. Like anime and lajv. The two things I really loved a year ago. I still love everything about it, I just don't actually practice it. But I'm working on it.
Another thing I have been working on today is a forum info to the forum that I will be taking over soon. First I made one that I really liked, but then the present head moderator told me that I could only use a limited number of signs, so I had to shorten the text down. And I really hate to shorten a text that I'm happy with. But I guess that it's still good.
And I have been offered to buy 26 TERRY PRATCHETT BOOK IN ENGLISH FOR A LAUGHINGLY GOOD PRICE!!!! Very nice and all, but when I can't buy them right now that is just plain evil. I want those books! I guess I have to reject the offer, and continue to collect the missing book my old way. One by one. Just a couple books in every year... Yeah, that sound so much fun. I don't want to know stuff like that when I can't have it. It's just too cruel.
A funny thing just happen when I went to the kitchen to get something to eat. I looked at the watch and it was showing 03:30. My first thought was" It's really quiet in the hall for that time" then it hit me that it's 03:30 in the morning... I guess this whole turning the clock up side down really is getting to me now. I'm getting used to it in a weird kind of way.
And to end with something connected to what we started with, what would happen if I stopped being so damn nice? Really, sometimes I think that I'm to nice for my own well being. I have a bad habit of giving people compliments, and telling my heart on things. That seems to scare people. Or they just think that I'm kidding and making fun of them. Maybe I should stop doing things like that. I can be cold and bitching. If people have a hard time dealing with me, maybe that is was have to happen. But what effect would a that decision have on the future? *dam dam dam* Epic cliff hanger ending...
P.P.R
It's funny how a person can make such a effect in ones life. I know some people in among my friends that almost always brings a smile upon my lips. Some people just makes you smile within your heart. Those people are a rare group in my life, rare but more worth than gold to me. And so, I hve found another peron that makes me smile just like that. To be able to laugh so much that you actually swallow on your own spit is a pretty great experience. Not the swallowing part, but the laughing part. And the day before yesterday I laughed that hard. For the whole evening. That took me to a jolly skipping feel good mood. A mood that continued yesterday. Not even my stressed out worries could break my bubble then.
I'm getting to know a person that crank me up in laughter, my present was shipped yesterday, my cold is being defeated and I played Exalted last night! I meet Eiji again! I love him... I would so do him XD (he is a role playing character and I?m the one that plays him, but hey, other that that I would so totally do him, even if he is gay). And meet with friends. That felt nice. I missed Stargate Atlantis tho... And Jason Momoa... Little sob about that.
I have finished my Pratchett book. Now what should I read? Here are all his book in the series called "Disc world":
[ ] The Color/Colour of Magic
[ ] The Light Fantastic
[x] Equal Rites
[ ] Mort
[x] Sourcery
[ ] Wyrd Sisters
[ ] Pyramids
[ ] Guards! Guards!
[x] Eric
[ ] Moving Pictures
[ ] Reaper Man
[x] Witches Abroad
[x] Small Gods
[x] Lords and Ladies
[x] Men at Arms
[x] Soul Music
[ ] Interesting Times
[x] Maskerade
[x] Feet of Clay
[x] Hogfather
[ ] Jingo
[ ] The Last Continent
[ ] Carpe Jugulum
[ ] The Fifth Elephant
[ ] The Truth
[ ] Thief of Time
[ ] Night Watch
[ ] Monstrous Regiment
[ ] Going Postal
[ ] Thud!
I have to get more of them... I have to go to Stockholm to get more of them... -_- Or order through the internet. But I have bought all my book in a real store so... I want to hold them when I buy them. And that's means I have to go to STHLM. That sucks.
I'm getting to know a person that crank me up in laughter, my present was shipped yesterday, my cold is being defeated and I played Exalted last night! I meet Eiji again! I love him... I would so do him XD (he is a role playing character and I?m the one that plays him, but hey, other that that I would so totally do him, even if he is gay). And meet with friends. That felt nice. I missed Stargate Atlantis tho... And Jason Momoa... Little sob about that.
I have finished my Pratchett book. Now what should I read? Here are all his book in the series called "Disc world":
[ ] The Color/Colour of Magic
[ ] The Light Fantastic
[x] Equal Rites
[ ] Mort
[x] Sourcery
[ ] Wyrd Sisters
[ ] Pyramids
[ ] Guards! Guards!
[x] Eric
[ ] Moving Pictures
[ ] Reaper Man
[x] Witches Abroad
[x] Small Gods
[x] Lords and Ladies
[x] Men at Arms
[x] Soul Music
[ ] Interesting Times
[x] Maskerade
[x] Feet of Clay
[x] Hogfather
[ ] Jingo
[ ] The Last Continent
[ ] Carpe Jugulum
[ ] The Fifth Elephant
[ ] The Truth
[ ] Thief of Time
[ ] Night Watch
[ ] Monstrous Regiment
[ ] Going Postal
[ ] Thud!
I have to get more of them... I have to go to Stockholm to get more of them... -_- Or order through the internet. But I have bought all my book in a real store so... I want to hold them when I buy them. And that's means I have to go to STHLM. That sucks.
First Doll Entry
My first entry only dedicated to Dolls.
My interest for Asian Ball Jointed Dolls (BJD) started... I don't even know when, maybe a year ago. I just know that dreaming El from Luts was the first one I saw and I though he was wonderful. Then I didn't know what they was. But later on I found out they were dolls, and I found doll forums and more pages and before I knew it, I had a special msn group for BJD people.
I'm deep into this hobby right now, as deep you can get without owning one. Cause I don't have one. They are disgustingly expensive so I have to look at pictures and drool. And planing. Cause I do plan for my future dolls. And right know I have a little list of dolls that someday will be in my Dolly family.
The List:
~ Cp Chiwoo
~ Lati L
~ Dolkot Dai
~ Dolkot Yui
~ Dolkot Bera
~ Dolkot Lucifer
~ Dollzone Yuu
~ Dollzone Hid
~ Dod Luke
~ Model Kyle Reese
~ Model Leah Cox
~ Tensia Hound
~ Cp girl Ani
~ Cp boy Ani
~ mnf Shushu
~ mnf Soo
~ Volks Suigintou
~ Volks Cute Renee
~ Doma Doll Okja
~ Doma Doll Uni Jado
~ Migidoll Ryu
~ Taeyang Hash
~ Taeyang Horison
~ Taeyang Lead
~ Pullip Uncanricky
~ Pullip Papin
~ Pullip Nero
I know that I have a lots of dolls that I want to have, and these are "dream dolls" and I will not see my family as whole without any of them. That is a lot of money. And years and years in the future. But I still dream and plan and drool.
Each and every one of the dolls in the list have a name, life story and a character sheet made up by me. I have way to much time on my hands. But my vary lively fantasy seem to like putting together characters and entangle them into a big beautiful doll saga. And that is my working name on this project: DollSaga. But don't hope for something big (like actually getting a doll) to happen in the nearest future. I just planing right now.
However, I'm very curious what my friend from Netherlands will send me. She is gonna send my present soon. Will it a little pullip or not? In a couple of weeks I will know the answer. I know what I hope it is ;)
Here are the main part of the dolls I want in pictures (yes I made this picture collage, it took some time too), they represent the 20 first dolls on my list. Look at the picture left to right , starting at the first row and read the list from the top to the bottom. The name of the doll will match the picture (yes I spend some time on doing this too).
Miraculous well
I don't really understand how I got so much better during the night, but I did. I feel so much better right now, I woke up long before I have done the last days and I was totally well-rested and high spirited. That is some contrast to yesterday when I felt like crap. I like this state much better.
So I jumped in the shower and then put a really delicious strawberry face mask on. It looked like melted strawberry ice cream and smelled liked it too. I can't wait to next week when I will test my chocolate face mask ^^ Facials are a simple and cheap way to spoil yourself. I really enjoy it. And while I'm sitting with the mask I have a wet-pack in my hair. You have to do some spoiling every once in a while. For me that is once a week.
Sometimes I really really want to have more drawing skills than I have. Right now I want to be able to draw a head picture for this page and my deviant journal. I know what I want: a cat. A character cat I have made up. She is so lovely, but I'm afraid that I'm not qualified to make her look good. I guess I have to try to draw her, but I seriously doubt that I can manage to do her justice.
And it's really cute how my friends are worried about me when I'm sick and not in chat mood ^^ I love you sweet hearts <3
Now I have to go and wash the face mask of.
So I jumped in the shower and then put a really delicious strawberry face mask on. It looked like melted strawberry ice cream and smelled liked it too. I can't wait to next week when I will test my chocolate face mask ^^ Facials are a simple and cheap way to spoil yourself. I really enjoy it. And while I'm sitting with the mask I have a wet-pack in my hair. You have to do some spoiling every once in a while. For me that is once a week.
Sometimes I really really want to have more drawing skills than I have. Right now I want to be able to draw a head picture for this page and my deviant journal. I know what I want: a cat. A character cat I have made up. She is so lovely, but I'm afraid that I'm not qualified to make her look good. I guess I have to try to draw her, but I seriously doubt that I can manage to do her justice.
And it's really cute how my friends are worried about me when I'm sick and not in chat mood ^^ I love you sweet hearts <3
Now I have to go and wash the face mask of.
zombie sick in pink
Yes, I'm back here again. Sorry for the very long time since last time, but I have a new blog layout now, thanks to my dear friend LindaK <3 She helped me a lot and I'm so happy with it. Those of you that can't stand the color: poor you! I like it and it's staying, until I find something else ^^ Pink is the color of happiness ^^
So what have happen since last time? Way to much for telling you everything, but some big things: my friends have made my start to vampire lajv (live action role play) which is very scary, I have a list of 19 dolls (with characters) that I want to own, my birthday is coming up and I'm waiting for a package from Netherlands to arrive, I have started to read again which is something I haven't done for ages.
And right now I'm sick. I think I have a cold. My nose is running, my head feels like a balloon filled with jelly and it feels like a have a cucumber stuck down my throat. But I will be better. I hope so. I really want to meet all my friends again. The miss me. That is so cute <3
And it looks like I will be the head operator of a forum that I'm a help operator in. I did not see that coming, but when I got the question I was very flattered that the HO asked me. Of course I said yes ^^ This will be really interesting.
Thank you for visiting. I will be writing soon again I promise ^^
So what have happen since last time? Way to much for telling you everything, but some big things: my friends have made my start to vampire lajv (live action role play) which is very scary, I have a list of 19 dolls (with characters) that I want to own, my birthday is coming up and I'm waiting for a package from Netherlands to arrive, I have started to read again which is something I haven't done for ages.
And right now I'm sick. I think I have a cold. My nose is running, my head feels like a balloon filled with jelly and it feels like a have a cucumber stuck down my throat. But I will be better. I hope so. I really want to meet all my friends again. The miss me. That is so cute <3
And it looks like I will be the head operator of a forum that I'm a help operator in. I did not see that coming, but when I got the question I was very flattered that the HO asked me. Of course I said yes ^^ This will be really interesting.
Thank you for visiting. I will be writing soon again I promise ^^
